Of World Eating God Whales

Logic tells you that everything was made by something else, and for the most part that has been true. But because of the way we are structured, because of the way our lives work, we can never understand that some things, inexplicable and ancient, were never made, and just WERE. Long before atoms and energy and things like that, there was something else. And there was nothing before that. I don’t mean to say that the “something else” appeared out of nothing, I literally mean that there was nothing before it, that the concept of “before” does not apply here. What I mean is that this “something else” always has, and always will exist. It’s not God or gods, if that’s what you’re thinking. In fact, it’s so ANCIENT that nothing really knows what it is. It’s just one of the THINGS of life, undeniable, unquestionable, and unperceivable.

Earth was not one of those italicized THINGS of life. In fact, Earth was tiny and completely insignificant by comparison, and though no one living there would agree, its inhabitants were too. But they thought they were important. They feared their own deaths as the loss of something great, not knowing that once they died they will have always been dead, and would have been in no condition to ponder the implications of such a concept. Once the World-Eating-God-Whale had eaten the planet and all its inhabitants, it had always been eaten and would never be missed or seen again, at least until the God-Whale felt the need to expel waste, as all living creatures must.

It was a hard concept to grasp, that the invariable “truths” of the universe found after eons of development did not apply to the universe at all, but only to the miniscule microcosm of the finders’ existences. Basically, what I mean is that the way things work in one planet doesn’t work the same way on all others. There are planets where energy can be created and destroyed, just as there are flat planets orbited by suns. Like I said, it was a hard thing to understand, that nothing was under your control and that you really didn’t know anything at all. It was particularly hard for the people of Earth, because we were, if nothing else, immensely proud of what we knew. So proud, in fact, that mere moments before the W-E-G-W devoured the planet and killed everyone on it, the greatest minds alive were all joined together in an attempt to disprove the God-Whale existence. Imagine their shock then, when they found themselves slowly and painfully being digested by WHAT WAS NOT THERE.

I know what you’re thinking, all of it, and I’ll address the questions one by one. The first question you have is, “Why was this quaint little planet destroyed?” Well let me explain. The God-Whale was hungry. That’s it. On earth we had two abstract concepts known as Good and Evil. I expect you people also have similar concepts. Well the God-Whale is not evil, far from it in fact. Evil requires a sentience and a distinct knowledge of “Goodness”, both of which it lacks. There was no malicious intent in the eating, and once the world had been eaten, nothing was thought of it. These things just happen. The second question you have is, of course, “Who is this doing all the talking?” Well, I am an earthling, and the only one to escape death. It may seem to almost be a betrayal of my kind, surviving while everyone else dies, but I say in mitigation that it would have been impossible to save anyone and that trying to do so would have resulted in failure to save myself.